Chapter 88: A Storm of Thoughts
When Dida and Ryle left, I returned to my daily tasks; however, my mind was filled with the conversation.
“…. Ah.”
I misspelled a word on the elegant document I was writing on.
Meaningless words floated in my head- the word “carelessness” fully describes my state right now.
I put down my pen, and stretched out myself. From head to toe, my body made “creak, creak” sounds, noises that shouldn’t come from a young girl.
Those very words in my brain are all from that discussion.
…. Ever since becoming the Feudal Lord Representative, I’ve felt numerous times that some problems simply don’t have valid solutions.
But I never thought that I would run into this obstacle again.
However, the issue is all only just a big “if” …. Forgetting about something that would only probably happen isn’t hard.
I only have to lie to myself, saying that decisions can wait until the kick finally lands.
But, if I were to do that… Dida wouldn’t accept it. And all the deceptive crap will all be scraped away anyway when the time comes.
When it comes to that…. I fear that I won’t even be able to distort my own thoughts. I can already imagine the frenzied, useless state that I’ll be in.
Plenty of times, including now, people’s fates…. Have been in my hands.
People end up dead under a powerless lord.
…. But this time, the situation’s severity is on a whole other level.
I have to take responsibility, responsibility of the people’s destinies.
I’ll be held liable for human lives, nothing I’ve ever experienced is at this level.
…. Forget about the “previous life”, even “I” in this current life have never taken such an accountability.
*TL note: Iris is saying that even though she’s been sort of “in charge” of people’s fates (financially and culturally), she’s never really been responsible for human lives so directly. Of course, she’s talking about the possible upcoming war.
Reincarnation in a world where nobody is harmed would be the best.
Then, no matter who, anyone will receive kindness and generosity.
Nobody will have to feel any pain, just as fairy tales describe. Darkness will be smothered up like a big candy wrapper.
No, if this were still a game…. Iris will probably take on all of the filthiness as the antagonist. But honestly, worlds where everyone is treated affectionately don’t exist.
No matter what, this world is still real.
If not, I wouldn’t be able to see people this clearly into their hearts.
All kinds of thoughts and ideals swirl around like a storm. Aristocrats steal people’s rights and power with dark, ugly faces.
Children’s fables will definitely not mention the abyss between the filthy rich and the impoverished poor.
Each of these thoughts made me come up with more.
All of these ideas were the reason why I was so stressed out.
… I should ask Tanya to bring something to drink, I can’t work like this.
I stopped my inner monologue, and was just about to call her name….
“…. Ah, kya~….”
The little tower of documents fell over. Countless papers fluttered in the air.
Oh, no.
The files that I had so laboriously organized were in a mess. I thought about how long and difficult it would be to rearrange them, and was finally fed up.
“…. Tanya.”
“Yes, I’m here.”
“Apologies, but I’m going to the salon. Please pass the message to others, and prepare tea. Also, will you please reorganize these files for me?”
“Yes, I understand.”
I threw all of my work aside, and finally took a break.