Chapter 153: Chapter 153
“It’s been more than a year already. Moreover, I just don’t want to talk to him.”
“Okay, we will not go to the training ground ever again.”
Rubica nodded and focused on writing the invitations. Soon she finished the last one and handed it to Elise. Then, she stretched her back and stroked the dogs lying near her. The dogs loved it when they were patted.
“Your Grace.”
“Yes?”
“Am I pretty?”
Elise was really serious when she asked that after she finished sorting the invitations.
“Yes, you are really pretty. I want you to believe me now.”
“You said I was pretty when we first met. Back then, I was really ugly… so although I was glad to hear what you said, I just couldn’t believe it. I thought you were saying that to encourage me as I was too scared, so I was happy even though I took it as a lie.”
“But I said that because you are really pretty!”
Rubica shouted anxiously, and Elise had to try hard to not laugh. Why did the duchess care about her so much when she was just nobody? Really, she was a strange mistress.
“You see, that knight who called me ugly before kept glancing at me today. Then, he found the courage to speak to me, and what he said was a compliment. He said I was pretty.”
“Let’s not talk about that boar ever again. We should just ignore him.”
Oh no, Rubica said the nickname she had given him in secret, and Elise had to laugh at that.
“Boar?”
“Yes. Doesn’t he look like a boar?”
“He does! Haha!”
Elise laughed for a long time. She could calm down only after drinking some hot water, but she couldn’t help thinking about Dashner and his boar-like face and had to try hard to not laugh again.
“So, what were you trying to tell me?”
“Oh, it’s just, um… I suddenly got to think, ‘Was I that sad just because I wasn’t asked to dance with men who can’t even remember the people they humiliated?’ Then, being depressed for such a long time about it suddenly felt really stupid.”
Elise made a sad smile that usually didn’t belong to young girls of her age.
“What is beauty? Why on earth it hurt me so much and changed the people’s attitude toward me so quickly? I’m the same me, I was myself back then and I am myself now…”
Of course, Rubica used to think being pretty was good. She had been taught girls had to try hard to be pretty, and she had been taught that her value depended on how many men asked her to dance at balls and how many men asked for her hand in marriage.
However, when she got older, she learned that wasn’t the only thing that set the value of her life but, by then, every bit of wealth and happiness had already been destroyed by the war.
Before that, she thought it was a virtue that had to be pursued. And now, a girl was asking if it was that natural and right.
“Hmm.”
Rubica didn’t know what to say at such moments, so she just decided to talk about the Holy Book as she was used to it.
She wasn’t sure she could explain her own thoughts, but what a great man had said in the past could give Elise the answer she was looking for.
“Elise, there is a part about beauty in Hue’s Holy Book.”
“But isn’t Hue the god of love? Why is beauty mentioned in his book?”
“Well, I don’t know that either. I guess it’s because love and beauty are highly connected. Anyway, the book says, ‘the goddess of love is ugly’.”
“The goddess of love is ugly? Not the most beautiful among immortals?”
“Yes. You see, the goddess of love is supposed to pursue beauty. And to pursue something, you must lack it. If the goddess of love were beautiful, she would have no need to pursue it. That is why she is ugly.”
Elise looked a little confused as she had never heard about that before. The Holy Book of Hue, the god of love, wasn’t considered that important. The vow of marriage and the vow of lovers in it were well known, but only a few knew about what it said about beauty.
Rubica had learned about it only thanks to her time at Hue’s Abbey.
“That is why ugliness is beautiful. She can be pretty because she is ugly.”
“She is beautiful because… she is ugly.”
Elise was lost in words for a moment. The goddess of love was beautiful because she was ugly? She had never thought about beauty that way. She used to think that ugliness was bad and had to be avoided.
That was why she had been so miserable. Oh, why am I not pretty? Why am I so ugly? She kept asking that. She had been sad and depressed when looking at herself in the mirror.
“Then, I have always been pretty? Even when everyone called me ugly?”
“Of course.”
Rubica nodded. Now that she thought about it, she had said Elise was pretty even when the others called her ugly. It had sounded like consolation back then, but why did it sound genuine now?
“So, don’t care about what others think. Just wear the dresses you want, wear the makeup you want, and do your hair as you want. Of course, you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to. But I’ve been asking you to do it because…”
“I was always looking at you with envy.”
Elise finished Rubica’s sentence and smiled.
‘Oh.’
Her smile was different now. It was totally different from when Rubica had her smile proudly and confidently in front of the others. Now her smile was truly full of confidence, and it couldn’t be compared to the forced smile she made before.
It made Rubica feel so happy and sad at the same time.
Elise wasn’t the only girl who wasn’t asked to dance at balls and mocked as ‘a flower on the wall’. That happened each year.
And every time that happened, those girls lost their confidence and burst in tears when they got home. Most of them couldn’t even be consoled by their families. Their families rather scolded them for kicking away a chance to get married and tore apart their last bit of pride.
They each had their own unique beauty, but it was denied when they were not asked to dance with men.
‘And most of those men are no better than Dashner.’
Rubica wished those girls to realize they were beautiful, regardless of what others thought of them. Then, Latte suddenly jumped to its feet and ran to the door.
“Madam, the duke has come.”
Well, the dog’s nose was always correct. Rubica nodded and a maid opened the door for Edgar, who had a slightly red face as he ran inside.
“What is wrong with your hand?”
Before he could say anything, Rubica pointed at his right hand that was now wrapped in a bandage. He hid the hand behind him, but Rubica had already seen enough.
“It’s nothing.”
“Oh, I heard something smashed when I was at the training ground. Did you get hurt then?”
After she came back to the main building, she had asked what the sound had been about, but they just smiled awkwardly and said it had been nothing.
However, judging from Edgar’s guilty expression, he had been hurt at that time.
“Oh, but you have to write with this hand every day!”
Rubica was worried. She went to him and tried to take a look at his hand, but he pulled his hand out of her hands.
‘Huh?’
That was odd and Rubica blinked in surprise.
‘Oh, is it because I tried to grab his wounded arm?’
She only wanted to take a closer look at his wound, but it could have appeared threatening to him. Rubica decided it would be better to make him sit down and ask him to show her the wound.
“Just sit down first.”
Rubica tried to take his left hand as she said that, but Edgar took out his hand again. Then, he awkwardly went to the table and sat down while Rubica blankly stared at him.
‘Why is he doing that?’
Her heart hurt as if someone was poking it with needles. He was always eager to touch her, and he would ask hugs and kisses every time he saw an opportunity. She just couldn’t understand his sudden change.
‘It must be a coincidence.’
She managed to calm down, sat down next to him, and smiled at him. But then, he looked away and it made her heart ache again. However, she dismissed the feeling and asked him kindly.
“I am worried. May I have a look at your wound?”
“I’ve already had the doctor treat it, so it’s fine.”
But he turned her down flatly, still not looking at her.
‘Oh…’
Now it was clear. It hadn’t been a coincidence. He was truly avoiding her.
“… okay.”
Rubica said sadly. Now it was the point for Edgar to ask why she was sad, but he didn’t. He had been acting like a sweet lover, but was he tired of it now? Thinking so made her sad.